(no subject)

[darknightfairy]

...

I can't even find the words to explain how I feel right now.

I just..

This feels like it. Is this all there is to life?

There's nothing else. Well, I don't think there is.

Not for me.

Because I don't see my life going or heading anywhere in the future.

I constantly think about what I want to do with my life.

Yet my mind is forever a blank.

I know I can't get anywhere with my drawing skills, because they're total bullshit.

But I don't think I have anything else either.

And I've thought about.. do I ever want a relationship?

Or the advantages and disadvantages.

Also the fact that I have too many phobias that prevent me from living my life in peace and calm.

What else? I don't feel like I have any friends. Or anyone that I can just talk to. About all of this. Of all the stupid shit I feel.

The only thing I feel I can talk to.. is this.. journal?.

And isn't that sad?...

That's why.. I think that I don't have a life in the future. When I think about it.. I see myself dead. It's like there's no possible path for me to take. Besides death?..

I mean.. I could always get a job.. stay with my parents for.. I don't know.

Thing is that I want to get out of this household as soon as possible. I hate this family and place too much to stay here forever..

I really don't see myself even reaching the age of 20.

I mean.. not like I'll kill myself but..

If I had a future.. wouldn't god.. or just someone..

At least shown me some kind of road to take?.. What I should choose to do?

I don't know.

But maybe I should stop worrying about the future so much..

And worry about now...