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So..
MIKE BOOGIE WON BIG BROTHER 7 : ALL STARS!! <3
Muahaha. It was a 6-1 vote. Lmao.
I was so happy.. I was jumping around.. but I ended up banging my knee against the coffee table. xD
Plus I cheered and clapped so much my hands are still hurting a bit even NOW.
But yeah.
So I'm happy. :)
<3 ChillTown
My back itches!!! F5
LOL. Anyways
CONGRATS BOOGIE! YOU DESERVE IT! <3
ok well. Bernie won't stop bugging me to get off soo..
Buhbye!!
MIKE BOOGIE WON BIG BROTHER 7 : ALL STARS!! <3
Muahaha. It was a 6-1 vote. Lmao.
I was so happy.. I was jumping around.. but I ended up banging my knee against the coffee table. xD
Plus I cheered and clapped so much my hands are still hurting a bit even NOW.
But yeah.
So I'm happy. :)
<3 ChillTown
My back itches!!! F5
LOL. Anyways
CONGRATS BOOGIE! YOU DESERVE IT! <3
ok well. Bernie won't stop bugging me to get off soo..
Buhbye!!
(no subject)
Sep. 11th, 2006 11:40 pmGahh. I swear to god.
I am so fucking hyperactive and giddy right now.
I have too much energy and I need to move around. Yet, I sit here typing away.
It's making have weird spasms.
Ok, I'm starting to calm down.. I think?
It's like soo many emotions ready to burst out it's scary.
I'm starting to get tired now actually.
Literally a minute ago I was shaking.
Weird. O.O
Heh. Pointless post.
I'mma sleep. KK.
Byebye!
I am so fucking hyperactive and giddy right now.
I have too much energy and I need to move around. Yet, I sit here typing away.
It's making have weird spasms.
Ok, I'm starting to calm down.. I think?
It's like soo many emotions ready to burst out it's scary.
I'm starting to get tired now actually.
Literally a minute ago I was shaking.
Weird. O.O
Heh. Pointless post.
I'mma sleep. KK.
Byebye!
(no subject)
Sep. 10th, 2006 10:35 pm-sigh- Another weekend passed, another school starting.
I feel SOO happy right now but tomorrow I know it will just disappear as if I had never even felt happy at all.
I would love my life so much if I didn't have to go to school. Not this school anyway.
I can handle all those other things. School just ruins me though.
:\
Well, I scanned and uploaded a picture to deviantart. O.O
Haha. http://kiya-orukawa.deviantart.com
Anyway. Gonna go. Byebye
I feel SOO happy right now but tomorrow I know it will just disappear as if I had never even felt happy at all.
I would love my life so much if I didn't have to go to school. Not this school anyway.
I can handle all those other things. School just ruins me though.
:\
Well, I scanned and uploaded a picture to deviantart. O.O
Haha. http://kiya-orukawa.deviantart.com
Anyway. Gonna go. Byebye
FUCKK YESSSSS
Sep. 7th, 2006 10:54 pmBring!
Whats that?
ChillTown member Boogie in FINAL TWO?!
YES.
MUAHAHAHAHA.
Fuck yes. I am sooo happy he won. I knew he had it in him. And he won a car too. :)
I <3 ChillTown.
I'm in such a good mood that it will probably last through to the end of tomorrow.
But now I gotta worry about whether or not he'll actually win.
Anyway. Might get haircut tomorrow. Just layered. W/e.
I want me sum headbands yo. Like Boogies but the much thinner elastic like ones.
Lol.
Go ChillTown! <3
Whats that?
ChillTown member Boogie in FINAL TWO?!
YES.
MUAHAHAHAHA.
Fuck yes. I am sooo happy he won. I knew he had it in him. And he won a car too. :)
I <3 ChillTown.
I'm in such a good mood that it will probably last through to the end of tomorrow.
But now I gotta worry about whether or not he'll actually win.
Anyway. Might get haircut tomorrow. Just layered. W/e.
I want me sum headbands yo. Like Boogies but the much thinner elastic like ones.
Lol.
Go ChillTown! <3
(no subject)
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:33 pmYou know what?
What I don't understand is..
Why the fuck is my life so fucking miserable? Why do I have to go through all this shit when everybody else I know has a perfectly happy life and they don't have to go through any hardships or ordeals.
What the hell did I fucking do to deserve this?
I am I really that bad of a sinner?
No one can seriously tell me that all those people with perfect lives are great and have never sinned and have basically no malicious intent. I don't believe that not even for a fucking second.
That's not fucking fair.
And I know nobody ever said life is fair. But WHAT THE FUCK.
I just don't get it.
This. is. so. fucked. up.
I mean, not only did I have two people in my family die already, I have to go through all these other things.
Is that even right?! Is that even okay to put someone through so much fucking torture and pain?!
I don't fucking understand this. I HATE THIS.
I HATE MY LIFE.
I practically always have. I fucking hate humanity. Society. And every fucking living thing on this goddamn fucking planet.
You all have it so fucking good. I despise you all. And yes maybe I say this in spite.
Whatever. I don't give a shit.
I should fucking die because it will solve all my problems.
And I won't care who the hell is hurt by my death. Fuck that bullshit.
GO. TO. HELL
What I don't understand is..
Why the fuck is my life so fucking miserable? Why do I have to go through all this shit when everybody else I know has a perfectly happy life and they don't have to go through any hardships or ordeals.
What the hell did I fucking do to deserve this?
I am I really that bad of a sinner?
No one can seriously tell me that all those people with perfect lives are great and have never sinned and have basically no malicious intent. I don't believe that not even for a fucking second.
That's not fucking fair.
And I know nobody ever said life is fair. But WHAT THE FUCK.
I just don't get it.
This. is. so. fucked. up.
I mean, not only did I have two people in my family die already, I have to go through all these other things.
Is that even right?! Is that even okay to put someone through so much fucking torture and pain?!
I don't fucking understand this. I HATE THIS.
I HATE MY LIFE.
I practically always have. I fucking hate humanity. Society. And every fucking living thing on this goddamn fucking planet.
You all have it so fucking good. I despise you all. And yes maybe I say this in spite.
Whatever. I don't give a shit.
I should fucking die because it will solve all my problems.
And I won't care who the hell is hurt by my death. Fuck that bullshit.
GO. TO. HELL
Fucking hell. Tomorrow is school. Fuck.
Not only that, but I'm reading constant feeds of BB7 and Erika is convincing Janelle to get rid of Will.
Fucking whore. I knew they should have kicked her out instead of George. I knew Operation Double Date was a bad idea.
I really like Janelle but if she kicks out Will I'll hate her forever. And hate Erika 1000000x more.
Erika pisses me off. Even when she wasn't saying shit to Janella. FCK THIS.
I am being stressed right now.
And I have to get to bed.
They are talking shit right now and Will is all nervous. <./3
Well.. all I can really do is hope for the best. Pray that Will won't be kicked out.
If Will is kicked out, I really hope Boogie wins it. Fuck.
If Will is kicked out though, it will be funny because Boogie is gonna kick Erika's gay little anorexic fugly ass.
Haha. What a whore.
Anyway. Bedtime.
Hopefully I have good dreams and all.
Goodluck Will + Boogie. <3 ChillTown
Bye...
Not only that, but I'm reading constant feeds of BB7 and Erika is convincing Janelle to get rid of Will.
Fucking whore. I knew they should have kicked her out instead of George. I knew Operation Double Date was a bad idea.
I really like Janelle but if she kicks out Will I'll hate her forever. And hate Erika 1000000x more.
Erika pisses me off. Even when she wasn't saying shit to Janella. FCK THIS.
I am being stressed right now.
And I have to get to bed.
They are talking shit right now and Will is all nervous. <./3
Well.. all I can really do is hope for the best. Pray that Will won't be kicked out.
If Will is kicked out, I really hope Boogie wins it. Fuck.
If Will is kicked out though, it will be funny because Boogie is gonna kick Erika's gay little anorexic fugly ass.
Haha. What a whore.
Anyway. Bedtime.
Hopefully I have good dreams and all.
Goodluck Will + Boogie. <3 ChillTown
Bye...
Mobile - See Right Through Me
At the wake of the storm
Many flurries of cold and furious thoughts
Hardly managed to drag me down
I heard it all from another room
Stolen words from mouths of fools
So what else is new still they can't keep their cool
I live to justify to give the reasons why
You won't see right through me, see right through me
All of this can't be real the poor state that I am in
Discomfort in my sleep may have brought me here
All the vows are broken, all the guilt that I'm wearin' of bein' here
Of being here so unprotected
I live to justify to give the reasons why
You won't see right through me, see right through me
I live to justify, say the reason why you may sense my fear
But you won't see right through me
Overhead and closer up there
See the earth's fadin' nations
Shuttles, spaceships, satellites
All gathered up there hypnotized
I may climb the highest fences
Face the worthless consequences
Obscured, shattered is the sky
Another lesson learned in time
Many lacks of confidence
In hidden useless conversations
I live to justify to say the reason why
You won't see right through me,see right through me
I live to justify to say the reason why you may sense my fear
But you won't see right through me
At the wake of the storm
Many flurries of cold and furious thoughts
Hardly managed to drag me down
I heard it all from another room
Stolen words from mouths of fools
So what else is new still they can't keep their cool
I live to justify to give the reasons why
You won't see right through me, see right through me
All of this can't be real the poor state that I am in
Discomfort in my sleep may have brought me here
All the vows are broken, all the guilt that I'm wearin' of bein' here
Of being here so unprotected
I live to justify to give the reasons why
You won't see right through me, see right through me
I live to justify, say the reason why you may sense my fear
But you won't see right through me
Overhead and closer up there
See the earth's fadin' nations
Shuttles, spaceships, satellites
All gathered up there hypnotized
I may climb the highest fences
Face the worthless consequences
Obscured, shattered is the sky
Another lesson learned in time
Many lacks of confidence
In hidden useless conversations
I live to justify to say the reason why
You won't see right through me,see right through me
I live to justify to say the reason why you may sense my fear
But you won't see right through me
What will happen? Who knows..
Sep. 1st, 2006 11:10 pmSchool. 3 days away.
This summer.. I tried to push it as far from my mind as possible and not think about it until it actually came around.
I did pretty well. Until today really. Since I had more time to think about it. Before I didn't.. I was too busy watching Big Brother episodes.
It's like the closer it gets.. the harder it is to ignore it and not think about it.
Ahh.
I just hope I have a good 3 days left. :\
I do have at least one more summer vacation Big Brother episode to watch on Sunday. I look forward to that.
Even though I already know whats gonna be in the episode basically.
I know who HoH is and whose nominated already. Haha.
<3 http://www.jokersupdates.com/
Seriously. Constant updates every few minutes.
Omfg. I like hear a mouse squeaking really loud somewhere. It's scary. :S
I dunno if Wonderland is still on tomorrow. We'll see.
-sigh- Once Big Brother is over I'll end up being obsessed with something else. With what? Who the hells knows. Knowing me though, most likely something that involves or has hot guys on television. Damn, am I sad and pathetic or what?
I hate getting so easily attached and obsessed with stuff. Because then it just hurts when I have to let go. I get all sad. :\
Even if it's just a tv show. Freakin lame man.
But still.. I always have fun doing it.
I mean, it's practically the only thing I'm good at besides failing/giving up.
Wow. I really need a life. And some friends.
And I needa stop being desperate.
Psh. Like that'll happen.
Anyway. More BB7 stalkage. :)
Buhh-bye.
This summer.. I tried to push it as far from my mind as possible and not think about it until it actually came around.
I did pretty well. Until today really. Since I had more time to think about it. Before I didn't.. I was too busy watching Big Brother episodes.
It's like the closer it gets.. the harder it is to ignore it and not think about it.
Ahh.
I just hope I have a good 3 days left. :\
I do have at least one more summer vacation Big Brother episode to watch on Sunday. I look forward to that.
Even though I already know whats gonna be in the episode basically.
I know who HoH is and whose nominated already. Haha.
<3 http://www.jokersupdates.com/
Seriously. Constant updates every few minutes.
Omfg. I like hear a mouse squeaking really loud somewhere. It's scary. :S
I dunno if Wonderland is still on tomorrow. We'll see.
-sigh- Once Big Brother is over I'll end up being obsessed with something else. With what? Who the hells knows. Knowing me though, most likely something that involves or has hot guys on television. Damn, am I sad and pathetic or what?
I hate getting so easily attached and obsessed with stuff. Because then it just hurts when I have to let go. I get all sad. :\
Even if it's just a tv show. Freakin lame man.
But still.. I always have fun doing it.
I mean, it's practically the only thing I'm good at besides failing/giving up.
Wow. I really need a life. And some friends.
And I needa stop being desperate.
Psh. Like that'll happen.
Anyway. More BB7 stalkage. :)
Buhh-bye.
(no subject)
Sep. 1st, 2006 02:52 pmWow. I've become so obsessed with Big Brother the past 3 days.
Starting on wednesday I watched the season from the first episode on the cbs website.
Yesterday I managed to watch up to episode 13 before the current episode at 8:00pm. I didnt like the two evictions it was a crappy episode.
Anyways today I came on the comp. to watch episode 14 and so on..
They fucking changed it so that if I'm out of the united states I can't watch it now.
I was real pissed. Lol.
But then I felt better after watching many BB7 videos on YouTube.
http://www.jokersupdates.com/
Gives constant updates of the HouseGuests and what they are doing.
Man I wish I had live 24/7 feed of the BB house.
If only I had a credit card and some money. -.-
Well anyway, might be going to wonderland tomorrow.
But yeah. I'mma go now since Pina wants the comp at 3 which is in like 5 mins.
I'll be back later to stalk all them BB HG. LOL.
My back fucking hurts tho yo. F5
Starting on wednesday I watched the season from the first episode on the cbs website.
Yesterday I managed to watch up to episode 13 before the current episode at 8:00pm. I didnt like the two evictions it was a crappy episode.
Anyways today I came on the comp. to watch episode 14 and so on..
They fucking changed it so that if I'm out of the united states I can't watch it now.
I was real pissed. Lol.
But then I felt better after watching many BB7 videos on YouTube.
http://www.jokersupdates.com/
Gives constant updates of the HouseGuests and what they are doing.
Man I wish I had live 24/7 feed of the BB house.
If only I had a credit card and some money. -.-
Well anyway, might be going to wonderland tomorrow.
But yeah. I'mma go now since Pina wants the comp at 3 which is in like 5 mins.
I'll be back later to stalk all them BB HG. LOL.
My back fucking hurts tho yo. F5
Free me.. from what I don't wanna be..
Aug. 27th, 2006 10:46 pmI... Well fuck.
I sicken myself.
Everything about me is just so so wrong.
I'm fucking perverted.
I fall in 'love' with a stupid guy just looking at their fucking picture.
Even if they're younger than me. Or wayy older than me.
or.. or..
I'm so pathetic. And I only like them for what I see. And what I think they are.
And.. and..
Things they do that make them seem.. I don't know. Confident? Outgoing? Outrageous?
Anything..
I feel like a failure. I'm so fucking socially inept that it's sad.
And there are kids younger than me that know more than I do. That are way deeper than I am.
I hate that. I think I know so much but I really don't.
Or maybe I only think they're such intellectuals because they can speak their mind freely.
While I can't. It's like I'm bound to something.
I have fucking insecurites. They drive me crazy.
I hate a lot of things. But the number one thing I hate has probably got to be myself.
It all always comes back to the same thing.
But still. I get easily attached, infatuated, obsessed. It's horrible.
I feel like the worst person on earth.
So now how do I fix this problem? What's the answer?
Funny thing is.. there probably isn't one..
And now. I'm stuck.
Stuck..
Well, someone free me...
I sicken myself.
Everything about me is just so so wrong.
I'm fucking perverted.
I fall in 'love' with a stupid guy just looking at their fucking picture.
Even if they're younger than me. Or wayy older than me.
or.. or..
I'm so pathetic. And I only like them for what I see. And what I think they are.
And.. and..
Things they do that make them seem.. I don't know. Confident? Outgoing? Outrageous?
Anything..
I feel like a failure. I'm so fucking socially inept that it's sad.
And there are kids younger than me that know more than I do. That are way deeper than I am.
I hate that. I think I know so much but I really don't.
Or maybe I only think they're such intellectuals because they can speak their mind freely.
While I can't. It's like I'm bound to something.
I have fucking insecurites. They drive me crazy.
I hate a lot of things. But the number one thing I hate has probably got to be myself.
It all always comes back to the same thing.
But still. I get easily attached, infatuated, obsessed. It's horrible.
I feel like the worst person on earth.
So now how do I fix this problem? What's the answer?
Funny thing is.. there probably isn't one..
And now. I'm stuck.
Stuck..
Well, someone free me...
(no subject)
Aug. 27th, 2006 11:53 amSchool starts in a week.
And Glenn is quitting MS. So thats mean I'll have to too.
It's sad. We had a lot of good memories there. :(
And now Jonathan wants me to dl Ragnarok. -.-
But I don't know if I want to go to a new mmorpg. School is coming and I know I should try to get good marks. This past school year I basically almost failed two subjects.
Not good. Although I know this year should be easier since I don't have as many subjects that I hate.
But I have English and Math. English is the worst. Religion will be ok since I have art religion.
Still. I'll be a loner again.
I need some sunglasses. To hide my face and all. :(
Anyways.
Imma go.
Goodbye party on MS for Glenn at 2:30pm EST. :(
Byebye...
And Glenn is quitting MS. So thats mean I'll have to too.
It's sad. We had a lot of good memories there. :(
And now Jonathan wants me to dl Ragnarok. -.-
But I don't know if I want to go to a new mmorpg. School is coming and I know I should try to get good marks. This past school year I basically almost failed two subjects.
Not good. Although I know this year should be easier since I don't have as many subjects that I hate.
But I have English and Math. English is the worst. Religion will be ok since I have art religion.
Still. I'll be a loner again.
I need some sunglasses. To hide my face and all. :(
Anyways.
Imma go.
Goodbye party on MS for Glenn at 2:30pm EST. :(
Byebye...
Guys are FULL of bullshit.
Aug. 24th, 2006 08:49 pmWell. I cried. AGAIN. Because of one of the same damn people. And because of damn hormones. And damn stupidness.
I felt really horrible. I still feel horrible.
And while I wasn't even there with them, he was talking shit behind my back.
You know what? Just because you don't want to be the one that 'messed things up' doesn't mean you can say shit and make up stuff about me.
1; No, I was not lagging.
2; I did not make you lag because I was lagging.
That's not even possible. Just cause I'm lagging, which I was not, how does that effect you? And even if I was lagging, it wouldn't be my fault I was lagging. I don't tell my computer to make me lag, DUMBASS.
So get that through your thick skull, and don't blame me. It's not my problem you weren't in the picture. It's your problem. And just because you don't want to deal with it, doesn't give you the right to say shit.
So, shut up. Alright? Ok, thanks. Bye. :|
I felt really horrible. I still feel horrible.
And while I wasn't even there with them, he was talking shit behind my back.
You know what? Just because you don't want to be the one that 'messed things up' doesn't mean you can say shit and make up stuff about me.
1; No, I was not lagging.
2; I did not make you lag because I was lagging.
That's not even possible. Just cause I'm lagging, which I was not, how does that effect you? And even if I was lagging, it wouldn't be my fault I was lagging. I don't tell my computer to make me lag, DUMBASS.
So get that through your thick skull, and don't blame me. It's not my problem you weren't in the picture. It's your problem. And just because you don't want to deal with it, doesn't give you the right to say shit.
So, shut up. Alright? Ok, thanks. Bye. :|
(no subject)
Aug. 23rd, 2006 10:52 pm-sigh- I'm in such an emotional state right now. Because of certain reasons.
All day, I was getting sooo easily frustrated and stressed.. over my stupid pokemon game. Lol.
And then not too long ago, when I was playing MS, with guild during the guild photoshoot. Well, some of the members said some things which usually would've only just pissed me off, but I just ended up getting so upset and cried. :|
I feel mostly better right now, but still a little down.
Glenn said he would be on MS but he's not on right now. Lol. It makes me feel kinda disappointed. xD
Stupid hormones. Making me easily upset and sensitive.
Even more so than I usually am.
But he probably just went to bed early because he already lvled today so he was bored. Even thought he said he'd be on late. -.-
Meh. I guess I should go check out ff.net for now.
Buhbye.
All day, I was getting sooo easily frustrated and stressed.. over my stupid pokemon game. Lol.
And then not too long ago, when I was playing MS, with guild during the guild photoshoot. Well, some of the members said some things which usually would've only just pissed me off, but I just ended up getting so upset and cried. :|
I feel mostly better right now, but still a little down.
Glenn said he would be on MS but he's not on right now. Lol. It makes me feel kinda disappointed. xD
Stupid hormones. Making me easily upset and sensitive.
Even more so than I usually am.
But he probably just went to bed early because he already lvled today so he was bored. Even thought he said he'd be on late. -.-
Meh. I guess I should go check out ff.net for now.
Buhbye.
(no subject)
Aug. 20th, 2006 08:54 pmUgh. I'm in real pissy mood right now.
I'm feeling ignored.
And my back and neck hurt sooo fucking much right now.
Currently, RoyalFlush guild is whack.
We remade Div 4 last night.
I'm thinking about making a Div 4 site because the main guild site is on myspace..
Which is just g@y. Bleh.
Plus, making sites is fun. :D
But anyways. I'm bored.
So I'm randomly posting. As usual. Bleh. Ok, Imma go now.
Byebye. xD
I'm feeling ignored.
And my back and neck hurt sooo fucking much right now.
Currently, RoyalFlush guild is whack.
We remade Div 4 last night.
I'm thinking about making a Div 4 site because the main guild site is on myspace..
Which is just g@y. Bleh.
Plus, making sites is fun. :D
But anyways. I'm bored.
So I'm randomly posting. As usual. Bleh. Ok, Imma go now.
Byebye. xD
(no subject)
Aug. 18th, 2006 08:32 pm...
I can't even find the words to explain how I feel right now.
I just..
This feels like it. Is this all there is to life?
There's nothing else. Well, I don't think there is.
Not for me.
Because I don't see my life going or heading anywhere in the future.
I constantly think about what I want to do with my life.
Yet my mind is forever a blank.
I know I can't get anywhere with my drawing skills, because they're total bullshit.
But I don't think I have anything else either.
And I've thought about.. do I ever want a relationship?
Or the advantages and disadvantages.
Also the fact that I have too many phobias that prevent me from living my life in peace and calm.
What else? I don't feel like I have any friends. Or anyone that I can just talk to. About all of this. Of all the stupid shit I feel.
The only thing I feel I can talk to.. is this.. journal?.
And isn't that sad?...
That's why.. I think that I don't have a life in the future. When I think about it.. I see myself dead. It's like there's no possible path for me to take. Besides death?..
I mean.. I could always get a job.. stay with my parents for.. I don't know.
Thing is that I want to get out of this household as soon as possible. I hate this family and place too much to stay here forever..
I really don't see myself even reaching the age of 20.
I mean.. not like I'll kill myself but..
If I had a future.. wouldn't god.. or just someone..
At least shown me some kind of road to take?.. What I should choose to do?
I don't know.
But maybe I should stop worrying about the future so much..
And worry about now...
I can't even find the words to explain how I feel right now.
I just..
This feels like it. Is this all there is to life?
There's nothing else. Well, I don't think there is.
Not for me.
Because I don't see my life going or heading anywhere in the future.
I constantly think about what I want to do with my life.
Yet my mind is forever a blank.
I know I can't get anywhere with my drawing skills, because they're total bullshit.
But I don't think I have anything else either.
And I've thought about.. do I ever want a relationship?
Or the advantages and disadvantages.
Also the fact that I have too many phobias that prevent me from living my life in peace and calm.
What else? I don't feel like I have any friends. Or anyone that I can just talk to. About all of this. Of all the stupid shit I feel.
The only thing I feel I can talk to.. is this.. journal?.
And isn't that sad?...
That's why.. I think that I don't have a life in the future. When I think about it.. I see myself dead. It's like there's no possible path for me to take. Besides death?..
I mean.. I could always get a job.. stay with my parents for.. I don't know.
Thing is that I want to get out of this household as soon as possible. I hate this family and place too much to stay here forever..
I really don't see myself even reaching the age of 20.
I mean.. not like I'll kill myself but..
If I had a future.. wouldn't god.. or just someone..
At least shown me some kind of road to take?.. What I should choose to do?
I don't know.
But maybe I should stop worrying about the future so much..
And worry about now...
